The Women We Want to Be

Last Monday I was invited to participate in a book club meeting on the book "Cinderella Ate My Daughter," which talks about the ways in which the Disney marketing machine influences our children. The conversation was rich, and opinions ranged from those who felt that we have more control than the book suggests, to those who felt that we don't. Nevertheless, what struck me as we talked is that it is difficult to evaluate how we want our daughters to be when they grow up, because we don't know who we want to be.

Women's roles have been evolving like a runaway train. They are still evolving. Our mothers and aunts can't always help us navigate the context we are living in. So why wouldn't we feel a bit uncertain about which values we stress as we bring up our daughters? Should be make sure they are self-reliant? Should we teach them strong relationship skills? My guess is that the answers are as varied as we are. I believe that a very good starting point is to ask ourselves a few questions about who we are.

• When you look back, what will be the most important to you about your relationship to your friends and family? To your work?
• What are the core values that govern your life? A great exercise to do yourself is the "Invite 12 people to dinner" exercise. Describe what it is about each one, and find the common values.
• What do you do easily and well? In what activities do you lose track of time? How can you incorporate more of that at work? In your personal life?
• When you look back on your life, what is the impact you want to have had on your work, family, and community?

This is just a quick start, but I do believe that with all of the possibilities we have at our disposal today, it is up to us to align ourselves with what makes us sing.