The Beauty of Eloquence

Last evening at a dinner party, a friend suggested I check out Obama's Nobel Prize acceptance speech. Having now watched it, I am struck again by the power of president Obama's eloquence. More than a pretty turn of phrase, eloquence is such an important tool to opening us to possibility. The Oxford Encyclopedic English Dictionary defines it as "fluent and effective use of language." The effective use of language allows us to articulate, to define perspectives, and to communicate without judgement. In college I read a lot of the romantic authors and can remember that for them, nature presented a beauty beyond words. But I find it sad to give up on words to really express ourselves. To me, communication is at the heart of being ourselves, building relationships, and finding intimacy. It is key to the evolution in relationships between individuals, groups, and for Obama, countries.

What often gets in the way of good communication is the voices of others -- parents, teachers, bosses, media, who inadvertently clip our wings. It can be tough to express ourselves openly when we are afraid of being judged or are afraid that our words might have an unintended impact. In coaching, articulation, listening, effective definitions of perspectives, and open communication are key to individuals' forward movement. When someone feels truly heard, it turns out that they have the resources to answer their own challenges. And when, as with president Obama, a person's eloquence truly opens up discourse, the possibilities are endless.

The Nature of Change

This weekend my three year old daughter got a 'big girl bed'. She'd been anticipating it for weeks, and got in it with her new birthday doll and a huge smile, totally rejecting the baby she's had for the last year. Of course my emotions were mixed. Alongside my happiness at her joy, I thought, "She's not a baby any more!"

The constant change parents experience is an obvious place for mixed feelings. But, now more than ever as a society, we need good coping mechanisms for change. We are living in a world of change so constant, the older generations can barely keep up to give us advice. In France there is a saying I've heard for a bachelorette party, "l'enterrement de jeune fille," which means "burial of the young maid." It may be a bit old fashioned, but it does recognize that even with the joy of marriage comes nostalgia for the life of the single girls. To me that is so liberating. This sentiment highlights how simple acknowledgement of all sides of change can be one major tool in helping us let go and move forward.

Expectation Overload

This week I promised myself I'd find something other to write about than Tiger Woods. Nevertheless, I find myself thinking about it. Specifically, I am intrigued by the notion that women today have to wear so many hats. Many of us, Like Tiger's wife Elin, are raised to be 'good girls'. Presentable, sophisticated, good wives, good mothers. Today we find that we also have to be, and I say this euphemistically, an exotic and wild girl.

Once upon a time, it was clear how you had to be. Roles were defined. Deviate too much and you lost support from those around. Nowadays, it is much more complicated. Good girl, but naughty too; smart, but vulnerable too; nurturing and feminine, but a shark at work. It reminds me of a computer with too many apps open...it melts down!

One of the things I do with clients is to clarify values. Really separating what they want from the expectations of others, whether it be parents, teachers, bosses or media. So often, those expectations have been internalized. What most find is that when they operate from our own values, they cease to be a cartoon; their experience takes on so much more dimension. They have the freedom to be good girl and naughty without worrying about it. That comfort and confidence drives personal and professional life so that they are much more effective, balanced and fulfilled.