I Don't Know What I Want!

Clients come to coaching with different needs. Some know what they want and just need to know how to get it. Some know what they want, but won't admit it or are afraid of going for it. And many come saying that they really don't know what they want. This weekend I was re-reading Richard Florida's "The Rise of the Creative Class." He is an author of social trends and economics with some striking perspectives about the dramatic ways life has changed since the 1950's. To my mind, they are ways that can make it challenging to know what we want.

Talking about the 1950's versus today, he says:

"Very few of us work for the same large company or organization for life, and we are far less likely to pin our identity or sense of self-worth on whom we work for. We balance financial considerations against the ability to be ourselves, set our own schedules, do challenging work and live in communities that reflect our values and priorities."

We know that we are pulled in many directions in terms of what we want. But what makes it even more confusing, is that some of us are trying to navigate this new reality using the tools that our baby boomer or "greatest generation" parents taught us. We are living in an era where passion, innovation and self-expression drive success, but are trying to use security, a paternalistic organization and convention to figure out what that is.

If we don't go with the old way, how can we shake out what drives us? There are many ways. Myers-Briggs and other diagnostic tests can be effective. Coaches use visioning tools to get at core values. Just thinking about a few peak experiences in your life can be a great start.

Talk to Her

Lately I have been thinking about how to speak to women. I have a coaching practice that is almost exclusively women. And I spent 18 years in fragrance sales and marketing. So it seems natural that I should be interested in how to reach today's professional woman. Yet it is confusing. The same people who want to work on women's issues -- retaining more women in mid-career, work-life balance -- also seem to shy away from the prospect of reaching out to them directly. And sometimes, the events that are most likely to appeal to women, are under-attended. How do you speak to serious professional women in a way that appeals to our feminine side? I have often suspected that the answer might come from the fashion-cosmetics-retail world, where women are able to be comfortable in their femininity.

Which is why I was so excited to find a cool voice in "The View from the Top" in the Marie-Claire @Work supplement and to read about Joanna Coles in this weekend's NYT Styles section. I love this perspective. Instead of focusing on the plight of professional women, or the challenges of work-life balance, the Marie Claire article reads like any other winner talking about the spoils of victory. Natalie Massenet, Nancy Dubuc and Carolyn Everson all talk about enjoying being powerful and having a seat at the table. It reads like an article on Richard Branson or Steve Jobs. How lovely! If this is the next voice of feminism, I'm all in.

What Would You Do If You Knew You Couldn't Fail?

Please share your thoughts...

Years ago I read a book on international business theory. It said that in Europe, young executives can take more risks and make the mistakes needed to learn because once they are selected from a top school, it is assumed they will reach top management. That freedom, the book theorized, made these individuals and the companies they work for more creative, driving innovation. Conversely in the United States, we assume that we can be fired at any time, for any mistake, and that can be crippling to our creativity and ability to perform.

Discussions of the relative health of European vs. US systems aside, it does bring up a fascinating question. What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? What would you say that you don't dare say now? What unique part of yourself would you show more of at work? What effect would this have on your output?

Once when I was stuck trying to write a workshop proposal, my friend Jacinta asked me this very question. She provided a critical change in perspective that allowed me to be myself and be OK with "good enough" for now. That shift got me unstuck and I was able to overcome the gremlins and stop procrastinating. It got me gathering information that would help me, instead of sitting there thinking, "If I were really good, I would just know."

Here is an exercise. Think of a time when you know (or knew), that you can't fail. Work or personal. What is present when you feel that strength and confidence? Who are you in those moments? What is the impact you are having?

How about taking another look at 2012 from this place? What will be different?