The Limits of Willpower

This month, December 31st actually, my husband and I started a vegan weight loss diet. We did it for weight loss, for increased energy, and because as older parents, we want to stay healthy for our children as long as we can.

THIS DIET IS A LOT OF WORK. Creating the shopping list for the first week's meal plan took over two hours. For the shopping itself, I spent more than an hour in the produce section of Fairway, and 30% more than my usual weekly grocery budget. All of this even before the chopping began.

Where am I going with all this? Well, dieting is probably one of the areas where people most often talk about willpower. Specifically, about the willpower to not eat even though you are hungry. Yet as anyone who has effectively lost and kept off weight knows, it is biologically impossible to resist real hunger when it happens. To really lose weight, we must inform ourselves, do the work, and notice the results. That is the only way to change habits. So it's not about resisting under duress. It is about resisting the inertia to even try. It is about taking a leap of faith and doing the work (in this case the shopping and chopping) without focusing on the outcome.

Do you now see where I am going? Whether it is weight loss, job promotion, different communication with friends and colleagues, so often we want to know exactly how it will go before we try. We want proof. As someone who has been coached and who coaches others, I know that the only way we can change habits is by actually doing something different, trying a new path, even when we don't know where it will lead.

Wonder Woman

What does it take to be a Wonder Woman in business? Each of us brings life experiences and personal responsibilities to the work place. That combined with our business education and personal drive enables us to accomplish amazing things.

But, it's not that easy for women -- especially when life and the economy get in the way; and when companies reorganize, downsize, spin off and merge. Unfortunately gender-bias is often part of the picture, not to mention a lack of corporate support. The result generates turmoil that can push the most career-minded professional off-track. As women, how do we retain our momentum and focus? How do we move forward successfully?

My next Columbia Business School Alumni Club event, Wonder Woman, on Thursday January 19th, is the outcome of my personal experience and my experience coaching high achieving professional women in mid-career. My own triumphs and tribulations as a cosmetics executive naturally led me to this demographic.

From a personal perspective, my last years in cosmetics were challenging. My company, which I loved, was acquired the day I left for my first maternity leave. I came back to a new company, a new boss, and a workforce that was apprehensive of layoffs. I never really clicked with new superiors, felt unsupported in the organization, and was dealing with the new challenges of balancing work and motherhood. After a year and a half I quit and started my coaching business.

While the details vary, I have heard the same theme repeated over and over by friends, colleague and clients. Women in mid-career, shortly after starting a family, begin to get derailed at work.

Fast forward three years. I gathered a group of professional women, mostly CBS graduates, for a focus group/discussion around women, career and gender bias. I fully expected to hear outrageous stories. What I observed instead surprised me.

Several women talked at length about the obstacles that gender bias created at their work. A few, though, spoke differently about these experiences. Even though they acknowledged that gender differences occasionally worked against them, they took charge, read a book or got coached, adapted their behavior, and moved on. Successfully.

Coming out of the focus group, I immediately thought of Stephen Covey's concepts of a Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern. It's not that the women citing and fixating on gender bias were wrong; gender bias is ubiquitous. Yet for most of us, it is in our Circle of Concern. It exists, but we can't do much about it. That is, until we begin to expand our Circle of Influence.

Men and women are both vulnerable to complaining about things we can't really fix. However, women display a critical difference. We are more likely to blame ourselves for things we are not responsible for. Judith Warner, among others, talks about it in her book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. Just about any woman you talk to will say the same. So how do we take on the right amount of responsibility? What can we expect in the workplace, and what is beyond the scope of what corporations can or should do?

Next Thursday's discussion will address this very topic. We will have a transparent dialogue with experienced executives and workforce specialists to understand how each of us can make the decisions that are best for us.

The Forest Beyond the Trees

A friend and former colleague sent me an article about a rose oil distilled in space that smelled different than the same oil distilled on earth. It made me think about context and how much it influences us. Specifically, it made me think about how difficult it can be to see where we are in the scheme of things, and to understand what the real possibilities for change are.

Where do you begin when you want to make a change in your career or life? One great place is with a simple wheel of life (check out on-line). That can give you some perspective about how you feel about the various elements of your life.

This month in my newsletter I provided a list of my favorite resources for figuring out what you want, what is possible, and how to tackle resistance to change. I am happy to share these. Please send me a request via my website www.clearstrategycoaching.com.

Have a wonderful 2012!